Never Enough

I don't know why is it that whenever something that is meant to be important, I always see that I haven't done enough.  It's not only in the things I do, I feel this way also in the people I meet.  I'm never the best friend--maybe a close friend but I never feel that I'm the best.  Whether I score the highest grades, or meet the awesomest people, I still feel that I could do more.

Whenever I go to sleep, I think about the day's happenings.  I compare what I did to what I could have done, and my conclusion normally comes to this: I didn't do enough.  It's like I was always there but never there--always close but never the closest, always the could have and not the would have.

I feel that I'm inadequate and never enough--never satisfying.  

I don't know whether it's my ego, or the way God made me.  I rarely feel satisfied in anything...I always feel that I could have done more.  That's why whenever I'm charged with responsibility, I tend to take it very seriously.

My life's goal--as with everyone's--is to be satisfied, but whenever I reach the top of a mountain, I see the horizon and another taller mountain.  I always look for ways to prove to myself--and others--that I can.  No matter how much pain it takes to finish this journey.

It's like climbing up a high mountain.  The closer you are to the peak, the more painful the fall and the climb back up.  But I want to reach that peak where My King and Saviour sit on two thrones, holding out Their hand to mine and inviting me into Paradise.  I pray that whenever I fall, I'll find my footing and continue this climb into significance.