Life is short

Ever since I started driving, my very "illustrative" imagination has not helped much to ease my pessimism.  

I remember dreaming a week after I got my license that I was driving with my family on a flyover until suddenly I hit the divider and we fell. It gave me a phobias of flyovers. Still think about it whenever I drive no and then.  

Since I've been able to drive, I've almost knocked down two people. One guy was drunkish looking and he just walked down the road like he owned it.  I horned at him thinking he would jump and run away (I was naive).  The most stupid thing I did was that I kept on going until I realized that he wasn't going to stop. I slammed the breaks then... Another guy almost became my first road accident when he tripped over the sidewalk to the road I was on.  I almost took his life....

They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you are dying.  I had something like that. I felt their (or what I imagined it to be) life flash before my eyes before I hit them.  Maybe it's a normal thing, but still that thought of almost taking another life is beyond my imagining.  Even if it was an accident, I think I would feel guilty until my deathbed.  

Life is fragile.  That's the truth.  At any one time, at any one place, at any one moment, something can come and take away your life.  Sometimes we have a chance to save ourselves, sometimes we don't, and sometimes we have a chance of saving others.  You watch those hero movies where the hero risks his life for the people and sacrifices his life in the end, and I want to be that type of person. I am an altruist.  I believe that my life is nothing compared to others, but I don't know when I'm put into the position of choosing between saving my life and saving others, will I succumb to the very nature that makes me human, or would I stand firm in my believes.  

A question to ponder about, until IF EVER I meet such a junction in my life...

Baby Jesus

Merry Christmas!

Since it's Christmas, I guess it's great to see everyone singing carols of that baby in the manger who was born to save the world.  Sweet little Jesus, born to be our king. There's nothing wrong with it, I mean, it's great that so many people are singing about the Lord's birth (Though, some people don't even know who they are singing about).

BUT

He has risen! He's not only that baby boy that was born 2000 years ago, but also the king who has risen and has given hope for all of mankind! Let's celebrate not only His birth, but also His death.  We sing in carols that He has come to save the word, but He HAS saved the world!

Jesus lived a full life on Earth let's remember that He is not only the baby in the manger, but also our risen Saviour!

Blessed Christmas!

Nothing like this

Came back from the PK camp revived with a passion that I've lost :) As I think back about those short three days, I don't remember much except for the thick and mighty presence of God.  He lives! I've never felt Him so real and so clearly before and there's just nothing like this.

God is great and I was amazed at the moment the first session started.  The worship was nothing I've ever experienced or ever thought possible. I want to bring this worship to my church now. I'm amazed at the miracles of the camp.

I found it great to be with people that have similar struggles... it's great to know that you are not the only one.  I'm amazed at the number of PKs there are!

It's definitely one of the most influential camps I've ever attended and I know that I am changed...I'm doing my best to be the person He wants me to be!

After a week since the camp, I cannot say that I have been a perfect and holy person and that I did not sin and all, but I'm more aware of my faults now. Everytime I make a "boo-boo" I realize it quickly and try to patch it up.  I'm now not afraid to apologize anymore; my ego (which many of you who know me know that it's pretty huge) has died down.

I'm waiting on the LORD and I am continuing to doubt my doubts! :)

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart :)

It wasn't last Christmas; it was two Christmas' ago. It wasn't during Christmas; it was close though. :)

I was rash and tried to rush things through. 

You were wise and saw the truth.

I was naive and moved without thinking.

You were hurt and busy coping.

Well, that was my past.  When I did things without thinking and now I regret.  Well, I know that we will never be, but you will always be my "almost".  I finally deleted our messages this year and I'm ready to stop regretting.  I want to thank you for showing that I have a chance in life. I want to thank you for actually considering a young and naive fool like me. I want to thank you for showing me what it means to wait. I really mean it: THANK YOU :) 

I will miss the times when we danced and sms'd all day, but they will be cherished memories :)

Happy 19th birthday, girl girl (haha...now I realize how childish was I to give you that name) and I hope that you find a good person who'll take good care of you. :D

Harsh Reality

When you are the law, who's above you?

Watched the Experiment. It's a movie version of the famous Zimbardo prison experiment that took place in Stanford College.  The difference with this movie is that the recruits were anybody who wanted money and the place was far from any civilization.  This movie is super disturbing especially for me as I know what happened during the real experiment.  

Some of the questions that are jumping around my head are: Since we know about this experiment, would the results be the same if there was a similar experiment on social roles?, Could things have gone better if the prisoner and guards were assigned opposite?, Why didn't the experimenters stop the experiment earlier?

I was hoping that the red light would turn on so many times, but the movie kept on going. When the red light finally blinked, I could feel the relief of everybody there. It reminds me of the movie Lord of the Flies. Both these movies are there to show what humanity is capable of at our darkest moments and this in particular scares me the most.  Can I still depend on friends to save me when we are all in trouble? Can I count on myself to put others before me? 

It's not really a good movie to watch when you want to sleep ><

Tuesday

Tuesday marks the end of my first year in degree.  I'm glad with the people that I've met, the experiences that I went through, and also the past that remained faithful.

It's hard to believe that it's been three semesters already with this bunch of fun people.  I've never really thought that I would make such a big difference in such a big intake.  I thought I'd be the quiet nerd who would sit in front of the class and listen attentively to the lecture.  I never thought that I would make so many friends from all walks of life.  I never thought that I would have the chance to do so many things. I never thought that I would go out so much. I never knew that I would be one of the more recognizable ones in the intake. I never knew that we could grow so close to fast.  I never knew that I would fall on the first day. I never knew that I'd change so much. I never knew that this degree life was going to be such an influence.

To recap the year, I can see that I've changed from being exclusive to being inclusive. I remember in the beginning of the first semester how the foundation gang was so exclusive. But soon we opened up to more people.  it started with those who would sit around us, and soon we kinda expanded.  I remember how I personally met up with everyone of the degree-mates, if you don't remember you can ask me :)

The only sad result of the second semester was the withdrawal of my best mate, and I was forced to do things on my own, but I guessed it was for the good. I needed to stop depending too much on people.  During the second semester I sat with two different groups and was shifting between the two a lot. I guess it's a good thing to widen your field of friends, but the walking was a little too much.

Though the third semester barely changed anything, I can see that the experiences that I have learnt this year has helped me to be better in many ways.  I'm not socially awkward anymore (Well, not too much anymore). I'm definitely more confident around people and my introvertness seems to be balancing with my extroversion now.

Sadly, many will be going overseas, but hopefully we won't be forgotten :)

It's a wonder that the time has passed by so fast.  And I know that the next two years will be marked with just more and more fun as we grow closer :)

Cheers to a better year!

The new hair

...I dun really like it, but it has its benefits. Benefits like not having to wait too long for it to dry, not needing to scrub my head so much anymore, and feeling cooler. These are the only biological benefits, but I like the physical benefits more.

The comments from people the day I cut it was funny.  There were some who couldn't even look me in the eye because they were too busy looking at my hair. Another funny incident is when I tapped someone on the shoulder and he stared at me for awhile before realizing it was me. HAHA...I'm starting to like that.  Maybe I should continually change my hair style...in this way I'll get so much more attention :P

Well, the feedback is more positive than negative - only positive come to think of it.  The only problem with this hairstyle is maintenance.  When I'm lazy and let it be, it'll just stand in all the wrong places.  Oh well, it's the price I pay I guess.

Well more importantly, I'm really glad that you like it :) That was more than enough for me to decide to keep this hairstyle. I think I should have changed much much much earlier.  From all the compliments I'm getting I think I'm gonna keep this :D

I won't post any pictures up, you want to see, you come to me x)