With you, it's nothing but awkwardness

I hope you'll never read this, or when you do, you're already mine *dreams*

It's been a year since we met.  I was the first person who spotted you when you walked into that orientation room.  How could I have known that you were already taken? Of course, with you being so pretty and all, I should have known.  Eh, I was stupid.  It's funny that Hevind called dibs first and we were like fighting for who gets to talk to you first, but being the good guy he is, he passed his "dibs" to me.  But it took almost an entire semester before we really started talking.

At first, I waited for you to appear on Facebook.  When I saw your "In a relationship" status on Facebook, I rationalized and said that maybe you didn't want guys to chase after you, but when I found your second account, in which it said "in a relationship with ____, I didn't know how to react.

I tried my best to be your friend, maybe trying too hard. I actually wonder whether you noticed it at some point, but maybe all guys speak to you like that :/

I remember always checking the online friends on facebook for your name to pop up.  I'd wait for five minutes, before talking to you (just in case, I became too obvious) - Talking to you was the most productive thing I did in Malaysian studies :) We had our 1st lunch ever in Chillax. I remember that I found out a lot about you there.  I'd always go to the library to pester you because I would know where you'd be hiding.  I remember walking you to the library and helping you carry your things because you were not used to your heels.  I remember asking you to eat many times and actually inviting myself to lunch with you at UOA (The first time we ate together alone).  I remember a lot of things...

After these months, I can conclude that it'll be pretty awkward always around you. Mainly because I don't want you to hate me. I'm planning everything I say to you.  

I'm not going to ruin the happiness you've found with your partner. I'm not even going to try.  I don't want to be the reason to end your happiness.  I won't do anything, but be your friend.  

If ever (a super duper big humongous gigantic IF, but I hope it'll never happen because it means your broken heart) you find yourself alone, I will try then.  But as a friend first. 

Here's to another year together. I wish nothing but the best for you :)