Who am I to you?

"Opinionated people never get heard; impulsive people never get the job done" 

The counselling sessions I've been having going for has really helped me to understand myself better.  I would love to share what I've learnt about myself, but that will only bore people to death.  

Things that I've discovered about myself:

1. I long for acceptance.

I compromise myself so that others would want to be with me.  I have a fear of rejection. This fear of rejection is also the reason for my need for knowledge.  The knowledge that I have gathered over the years was only for the sake of others.  I thought that knowing things would make people more interested in you...guess that hypothesis is flawed.  I'll walk a thousand miles just to keep my family and friends safe.  

This insecurity came from a mash-up of a few unrelated factors.  The first factor is my personality which is dominantly melancholic.  The second factor is the schooling environment I was brought up in which didn't give me many opportunities to socialize and the last factor is the fact that my family was in the process of searching for a new church.  Other people who go through the same schooling environment as me, have their religious institutions to help them mature, but I didn't have a stable group of friends at the time so this is why I prize acceptance above all.  I'm grateful for the friends that I have made since settling down in PJEFC and entering HELP.  They have tremendously helped me to feel more accepted.

2. I'm confused.

Mainly confused with my role in the family.  This has to do with the "Christian-Chinese" parenting I come from and also to do with me being a middle child.  The confusion happens when I have to balance being the "man of the house" and having an older sister.  

Another reason for confusion arises from my "Swan/Owl" personality.  The swan symbolizes creativity, impulsiveness, and emotion, while the owl symbolizes order, melancholy, and stability.  See the confusion there? According to a personality test, these two "birds" are on the same level in me.  So while the owl side fights for planning, my swan side yells impulse.  Rather confusing having these two personalities as my dominant ones.

That's all.  More and I'll probably start revealing too much :)