Until this tension is over, we practically do our best not to interfere with anybody.
We seem to be living separate lives now.
Doesn't seem right...I don't like this kind of freedom :/
I really hope this tension will stop soon
--------------------
On a brighter note, the weeks have been blowing past rather amusingly fast.
I'm starting to fit in, I'm starting to feel belonged, but it's not easy...it never was.
Meeting people from all walks of life and having to cope with various situations has actually left me emotionally drained. I realized that I can't cry anymore...we'll according to some people, that's a good thing. I don't find joy in many things anymore. LAME jokes are not as lame as they used to be and humor seems to be lacking. I have no idea why I feel this monotonous issue. It's like I don't like to exist anymore. I'm fed up with monotonousity (if that is a word). I'm bored of everything. The schedules, the routines. I'm tired of planning.
I wonder why? I have never been a happening person to begin with, so why the tension? Even though I'm having tons of me-time, I still have not have any personal time. I tell myself I'll do something productive today (The biggest lie I've told). My mind just doesn't want to work. It doesn't want to move. Am I tired? Frustrated? If so, from what?
From?
The girl that I have just given up trying to get?
The family that is going through some tension?
The university and all the schedules and expectations?
The church and all the responsibilities?
Myself for all laziness and time wasting?
The friends that I wear masks in front of?
The smile that I force upon my face?
The lack of sleep?
My kayu and robotic-ness?
...
Gah, too many factors to rule out one at a time
Time to sleep before I spill too much
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