Will you remember me?

It seems that one is so easily forgotten in the midst of people.  It shouldn't hurt that much.
It shouldn't hurt when people leave you out of conversations. It shouldn't hurt that when they do, they discuss about doing things for other people, but not for you...
It shouldn't hurt that the very people in whom you depended on were not the people you thought they were.

Maybe I think too much, maybe it was a bad time, but I think it's a little of everything.  I've done my best to stay the strong one, I've tried my best to be the constant presence, but being constant means you get forgotten.  It's like Newton's First Law of Motion: An object will remain at rest or in motion unless a greater force acts upon it.

"remain at rest or in motion" They are one of the same force.  You can be the nonexistent presence and people will remember you, you can be the guy who visited once, and they'll still remember you. You can be the irregular visitor for all I know, but what if you are the constant?  Being the constant is as good as being the unnoticed.  What if you feel constantly neglected?  I've given all I've got, I've attended all that needed attending, I've spoken all that needed to be said, and yet, why don't I feel like I've even made one miserable dent in the lives of the people that I care for?

You ask me to contribute and I do, but what do I get in return? I've invested, I've given, I've paid, I've done everything that can be done for everyone that ever meant a thing to me.  Where is my reimbursement? I know true friends invest and expect nothing in return, but they still get at least the comfort of knowing that!

Sometimes I feel like disappearing just to see if I am missed.  I've tried it once, twice, but when I returned, no one bothered asking, "What happened to you?" It turns out being a constant also meant being unnoticeable.  After all, 'I'm ALWAYS there'.  No one bothers to ask, "Are you going to this, are you going for that?" Why? Because they ASSUME that I'll be, and if I don't go, it doesn't matter...

Those that leave overseas are remembered more than me, those that left are more remembered than me, those that have done so little are more remembered than me.  I'm hurt beyond anything I've ever felt, I'm lower than any low I've ever been in...

But I won't show it...

Being the observer has taught me one thing: it's that if they care, they'll bother.  I don't have to burst for people to take notice.  I don't have to yell for people to look.  If I've truly invested in these people, then I would say now is the testing time to see whether I've invested in the right things...