These two weeks of returning to Uni for one thing has kept me on the brink of insanity. I mean they really want to kill you when they give you vague options. In one hand they want to give us freedom, but by giving freedom, the administration just gives us extra stress because we have to choose our timetables and subjects. We have to consider factors lie some subjects won't be offered every semester and therefore plan technically what you want to take for the WHOLE year. Well, these two weeks has been spend doing almost nothing but planning what subjects to take. Now it's too late, even if I don't like anything now, I can't change it.
So now I have to cope with 5 subjects this semester. I'm not stressed about waking up early (I'm used to that). What really stresses me is that our of the five subjects 3 are heavy subjects. I really need to concentrate this semester and therefore NO SLACKING.
I've also been busy cleaning the house for Chinese New year. I mean my family is not superstitious about we can't clean the house during CNY but we are gonna have an open house and my mom wants the place perfect.
I've been so busy thinking about everything! About my life, my future.
The Future
Where do I see myself in 5 year's time? I mean it seems that the more I study, the less I want to further my studies. I began HMC with the intention of going all the way to PHD but now since I've started 2nd year, I've had second and even third thoughts as to what I to pursue. At the moment, I want to pursue film. I want to be a scriptwriter/director. This is like a 180 change from the deskjob of a clinical psychologist. Why? I realized that I can do more to help the world this way. Call me idealistic, but I believe that we can promote prosocial behaviors through film instead of always showing how animalistic and immature the human race is. If film doesn't work out, then I'd move to lecturing. I would be able to change at least my students. I wouldn't mind venturing into Clinical psych and all, but my direction doesn't seem to be leading there at the moment.
What else about the future? I know it's pretty far off, but I have been thinking about getting a other half. I mean, I've never had another half and I know form so so so man people saying that it's not recommended to get involved when you are studying. For me it's pretty hard, because most of my classmates are at least a year older than me. Haha...I don't know what I am thinking about. (Or even WHO for the matter) But I think my time is running out. The longer I wait, the harder it would be to find one decent girl. I've been the nice guy for far too long and I feel that changes have to be made, I'm gonna give myself guts this year.
BUT saying all these things, I'm not stupid to dive into the first girl I know. I'm not gonna simply fall for a person now (Lesson learnt). I'm gonna find out all about you, get to know you better, before I even let my heart near you. No more giving away free hearts (technically I've only given 3 and they have returned to me a little broken and cracked.
The future. I can see myself settling down but who?
Wow, I never knew I actually could type so much to an imagination. But since I'm at it, I shall write a letter to my future girl:
Dear Future Girl,
I know that I've probably been a little vague with you, but I want you to know that I chose you because I believed that we were meant to be. I haven't given myself to anyone before and I hope the this will be my first and only time doing so. Call me a classic guy because I am. I believe in values and you can count on me to keep my word. I will hold you forever unless you don't want me to anymore. Just remember that whatever stupid things I will do is because I thought it was the right thing to do. I'm asking for a thousand forgivenesses beforehand because I know I will mess this up and I might be too stubborn (AT FIRST) to admit my wrong. I hope you will be patient with me and know that I still love you inside.
<3
Your ol' guy.
haha..I can't believe I actually wrote a letter to my future girl...hahaha
Until a wave of inspiration hits me once again :)
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