Not enough time?

I realized that when I say "I don't have enough time for anything", what I really mean is "I don't have enough focus"  I've realized that many nights I waste time starring at the blank screen of Facebook, watching useless things on Youtube.  I've been wasting my youth not because I lack time - I lack focus.

It's not that I have nothing to do, I do have tons of things, but I just don't seem to be able to take them seriously enough.  I mean, everything ELSE seems so much better to do.  I need constant reminders to do my work because I easily get distracted (Technically, I'm distracted right now).

I think I need to give this computer a break from me and start really working on what I should have been working on weeks and months ago.

I have two scripts pending and I want to start writing short stuff to film for fun.
I have assignments and presentations to work on. It's not that I'm not working on them, it's just that I seem to be progressing slower then a frozen sloth.  Not good at all.
I have other things to do like my birthday project. I still need to work on the details and such.

SO many things to do, all I need is focus.  It's so easy to simply get distracted by a notification on Facebook or a new Tweet!

Roar, I guess I'm just gonna have to stop the computer for awhile and really focus on what I should be working on and that is the scripts and assignments.  Maybe I'll off the internet? I shall try that and hopefully by tomorrow, I'll have a better idea of a play and maybe even more!

______________________________

In other news, my blog I used for my design class has now been converted into my creative output blog. Every poem, song, script, chapter that I write will be posted there unless I feel that I want to produce it myself :) Here's the blog: pioneerinspired.blogspot.com

I'm not completely 100% happy with the layout but I'll work on it another time (When I find the focus to).

I Can Only Imagine

I can only imagine 
What it will be like 
When I walk 
By your side 

I can only imagine 
What my eyes will see 
When your face 
Is before me 
I can only imagine

I can only imagine 

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel 
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still 
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I 
fall 
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all 
I can only imagine

I can only imagine 

I can only imagine 
When that day comes 
And I find myself 
Standing in the Sun 

I can only imagine 
When all I will do 
Is forever 
Forever worship You 
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Thoughts

"It seems whenever you pride yourself at being strong, life just sticks its tongue at you and brings you down."

I guess it's a lesson of humility and all, but I mean I sometimes wish there is a clear cut right and wrong in this world. I hate grey areas, it just makes you have to weigh options and decide on the lesser evil, but being evil ourselves, aren't we biased?  I make so many selfish decisions in my life, yet always think that I've acted on the good of others.  I mean, where's the clear line? There has got to be clear things in life, so why do I feel that everything I go through seems to be grey?

Lord, You are my strength through thick and thin and in-between, through black and white and grey.  Please give me wisdom and strength.


"Often, I find myself surrounded in a sea of faces, but never really noticed...I feel like a termite in a hive of ants."

The feeling of belongingness is bugging with me again.  Seems like a yearly flu or something, but I seem to always feel that I have a huge sign above my head that says "GET AWAY FROM ME HUMAN!" I'm not trying to say that I'm left out all the time, but I feel that I should be closer to a lot more people now. I mean it's been years with the same group of people, and I feel that I have barely progressed.  But I have realized that people have taken the effort to reach out. I'm not always excluded now but I do feel left out even then I'm included.  EH, it's my overestimations that is ruining everything.

"I'll take a simple one-to-one chat over anything."

I feel that this is what I'm missing, good ol' one on one with people.  Where you can just sit down with a friend and talk about life and stuff.  I mean, it doesn't even have to make sense.  I just need that closeness to know that someone would bother to sit down and just have a conversation with me and not get distracted.  That's enough for me to cherish you as a closer friend.

"I'll treat every girl like my girlfriend, because you never know when she might be the one."

This I learned from Hevind (and he's a proof that this works).  I mean, I've never really treated girls badly.  But I have ignored some.  Now I'm gonna treat every girl as though she's the one :) Not because I want to get a girlfriend that badly, but because it's every girl's right to be treated right.

I think I'm blurting out more then I should...better get to bed before secrets start spilling out :X

To end on a good note:

The open house went better then expected.. Thank you for coming all you people :)

Chinknees new ear!

Tis the season to be collecting...

I'm gonna drag my Child Abuse and Biopsych textbooks as I visit houses this year.  Why? Because I told myself that I would study more this year and so no holiday is gonna stop me from doing just that :)

Why You NO Update?

Well, I guess I've been away for some time but I have a valid reason - well valid reasons.

These two weeks of returning to Uni for one thing has kept me on the brink of insanity. I mean they really want to kill you when they give you vague options. In one hand they want to give us freedom, but by giving freedom, the administration just gives us extra stress because we have to choose our timetables and subjects. We have to consider factors lie some subjects won't be offered every semester and therefore plan technically what you want to take for the WHOLE year. Well, these two weeks has been spend doing almost nothing but planning what subjects to take. Now it's too late, even if I don't like anything now, I can't change it.

So now I have to cope with 5 subjects this semester. I'm not stressed about waking up early (I'm used to that). What really stresses me is that our of the five subjects 3 are heavy subjects.  I really need to concentrate this semester and therefore NO SLACKING.

I've also been busy cleaning the house for Chinese New year.  I mean my family is not superstitious about we can't clean the house during CNY but we are gonna have an open house and my mom wants the place perfect.

I've been so busy thinking about everything! About my life, my future.

The Future


Where do I see myself in 5 year's time? I mean it seems that the more I study, the less I want to further my studies.  I began HMC with the intention of going all the way to PHD but now since I've started 2nd year, I've had second and even third thoughts as to what I to pursue.  At the moment, I want to pursue film. I want to be a scriptwriter/director.  This is like a 180 change from the deskjob of a clinical psychologist.  Why? I realized that I can do more to help the world this way. Call me idealistic, but I believe that we can promote prosocial behaviors through film instead of always showing how animalistic and immature the human race is.  If film doesn't work out, then I'd move to lecturing. I would be able to change at least my students. I wouldn't mind venturing into Clinical psych and all, but my direction doesn't seem to be leading there at the moment.

What else about the future? I know it's pretty far off, but I have been thinking about getting a other half. I mean, I've never had another half and I know form so so so man people saying that it's not recommended to get involved when you are studying. For me it's pretty hard, because most of my classmates are at least a year older than me.  Haha...I don't know what I am thinking about. (Or even WHO for the matter) But I think my time is running out. The longer I wait, the harder it would be to find one decent girl. I've been the nice guy for far too long and I feel that changes have to be made, I'm gonna give myself guts this year.

BUT saying all these things, I'm not stupid to dive into the first girl I know. I'm not gonna simply fall for a person now (Lesson learnt). I'm gonna find out all about you, get to know you better, before I even let my heart near you.  No more giving away free hearts (technically I've only given 3 and they have returned to me a little broken and cracked.

The future. I can see myself settling down but who?


Wow, I never knew I actually could type so much to an imagination.  But since I'm at it, I shall write a letter to my future girl:

Dear Future Girl,

I know that I've probably been a little vague with you, but I want you to know that I chose you because I believed that we were meant to be. I haven't given myself to anyone before and I hope the this will be my first and only time doing so.  Call me a classic guy because I am. I believe in values and you can count on me to keep my word.  I will hold you forever unless you don't want me to anymore.  Just remember that whatever stupid things I will do is because I thought it was the right thing to do.  I'm asking for a thousand forgivenesses beforehand because I know I will mess this up and I might be too stubborn (AT FIRST) to admit my wrong. I hope you will be patient with me and know that I still love you inside.
<3
Your ol' guy.

haha..I can't believe I actually wrote a letter to my future girl...hahaha


Until a wave of inspiration hits me once again :)

Resolutions

#1 Begin everyday with God.  Prayer and devotions will be the start of every morning.

#2 Plan my day/week/month/year properly.  No more wasting time doing nothing useful.  This year, I'm gonna be productive as much as possible!

#3 Study regularly.  As in, review work once a week.  For someone who never studies until last minute, I think this is gonna be a challenge.

#4 Don't simply fall for people.  Think really properly before falling if possible.

#5 A promise is a promise.  Remember what I say AND write it down!

There this should keep me occupied for awhile.  I wonder how long I can keep this up :)

Coming soon...

Been rather out of the house recently...hopefully I'd be able to catch up with blogging soon.

Coming soon:

1. New Year Resolutions.

2. 2011 highlights

3. New Semester stressors

4. Prayer meetings and a seminar

5. friends?

6. The BIRTHDAY PROJECT

Haha...til I find the time :)