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Life is full of ups and downs, no?

Well this year has been a constant struggle between ups and downs for me. It was a good year and a bad year altogether.  Emotionally, I went through a spiral of funky town as I struggled with who I was and who can I call friends.  I struggled with responsibilities and the things I really wanted.  But the thing I felt constantly good about was my social life.  I was happy because I met a friend who managed to make me laugh and who managed to make me happy.  So since I met her, life seemed to be on a steep incline heading towards a peak, and I think it just hit the peak.  Now comes the hard part. Here comes the part where things don't seem to work out anymore, where we lose touch with one another and I feel lost all over again.  Sure this might be a knee-jerk response and all but I can't help feeling that I'm being left behind.

I'm an overthinker; I'm a pessimist. But the thing about having this type of personality is that I often prove myself right.  I don't want that.  Cause right now, I'm thinking that everyone else is out there busy with a great life, while I lag behind.  Cause right now, I'm thinking that I'm that socially awkward kid with no future except in his mind.  Cause right now, I feel like I'm going back to square one and being forced to start all over again.

I remember being so ecstatically happy in February that I went into some weird bipolarity in March.  I remember chats being so funny that when I typed, LOL, I was really laughing so loud that my parents asked me whether I was alright. I remember smiling at almost every text, and getting strange stares from my friends. But... I also remember the things I said wrong, the times I ruined something that was good, and the moments when things felt like they would die.

Somehow I guess, I saw this coming.  Reality had to hit home.  Truth was unavoidable.  And in this case, I have to learn to let go.  Because no matter how much I know and how much I'll try, I know that trying too much is not worth it.  I have to learn to let time take it's course.  We were never meant to be at this time. Maybe in the future, but just not this time.

Now the question is do I wait for it to be the right time, or do I keep my options open? Being the 'careful' person that I am, I'll probably look for a clear sign, but being the 'stubborn' person that I am, I'll be biased in looking for that sign.

Well, I know you'll probably read this blogpost, and you're gonne smile and laugh.  You're probably gonna tease me about it one day...

p.s. I know I'll win. Don't deny it, because I've already won ;)