The Drifter

It just occurred to me that I have very little friends I can rely on =/

Well, I can blame this on my introvertedness, my age, and my homeschooling, but in the end it is my fault that I don't have the friends that can support me.  It's funny that I have 246 Facebook friends and yet I don't think I can call on most of them for support.  I know it's not their fault--it's mine--this has to do with my drifter attitude.

I don't want to be left out so much and ignored that I drift from group to group so that I can be accepted everywhere.  I am afraid of intoxicating them with my presence so I disappear before they can get irritated with me.

I have no idea where I got this attitude from.  It's this USELESS fear of rejection that IS getting me rejected all the time!!

I hate being the drifter, yet I like being able to fit everywhere.  I hate being rejected, yet I can't live without friendship.  I seriously hate this symbiotic equation for failure.

It's like I'm a mosquito and I know it...I latch on to people, and I fear that they have bug spray, so I fly away and suck blood from different groups all the times, hoping that they won't spray me...

Okay , I know it's a lousy analogy, but the point is clear.

I don't make friends often, and I seem to be able to loose them more easily...
And I can't live without them...sigh


I think that's more than enough for the world to know...the rest will be said only between me and myself =/