Why I seem to enjoy big groups

Just the other day, I was over at a friend's house with a big bunch of friends for swimming, and when the host and I sat down for a bit, I was asked this question: Why do I like big groups? I had an answer ready, but then another person came along and I didn't get my chance to answer. Since, I'm a person that needs closure, this post will have to suffice.

So why do I seem to enjoy crowds? Before we take on that question, I feel it should be right to introduce my background. At my core, I'm an introverted homeschooler. So for the most part, I'm not supposed to like "crowds". I'm supposed to be emotionally drained from all the socializing. I'm supposed to lurk in a corner with my face in a book or tablet. I'm not supposed to like a big bunch of people surrounding themselves and stretching my attention thin, wearing me out, and denying me the one-to-one attention introverts crave for.

It's easier to hide in big groups
Yes, when it all comes down to it, I find groups attractive mainly due to the fact that not all the attention is on you. You are "part" of the group, but not necessary need to be a "contributing" member. I can hide and "recharge" without missing anything in big groups because the group's attention is volatile. I do a lot of starring in big groups. I do a lot of observing. I can be completely ignored in big group yet feel like I was part of the conversations with just an occasional nod of my head.

Big groups have more doing and going
Big group activities are easier to plan. They are almost always mostly pre-planned, and have very little room for error. As a person who likes my days booked beforehand to avoid an unnecessary rescheduling, having pre-planned activities such as bowling, swimming, hiking, and even just visiting a house clears up my anxiety by a lot because I can mentally prepare for the coming conversations, traditions, and other social habits. Big groups are more predictable.

Less socially awkward situations 
If I was in a small group, every socially awkward thing I do is multiplied by infinity, while in a big group, they may hardly even be noticed. There's just too many people around that like my first point mentioned: I can hide.

Big groups make me feel like I'm part of something bigger
There's no better feeling than feeling that you're doing something big in your life, and being part of a big group somehow replicates that feeling that you're part of something bigger. It doesn't matter if it's your movie group or mamak buddies, just the act of doing something with a whole bunch of other people has an euphoric feeling attached to it. And that's probably why a lot of people do crazy things in groups (insert diffusion of responsibility lecture).

Big groups means there're less people left out
Being once the guy who felt left out, I always try to make it a point to make sure that everyone feels a belonging. I feel bad when I see people I care about left out, and that is the reason why I normally end up planning big events that eventually flop. When I see mutual friends posting about group hang outs that I wasn't invited to, I feel rather down. BO JIO. And I wouldn't wish that on people I care about.

There's never a conversation that I can't join
Another reason I like big groups is the fact that they consist of smaller groups. Many-a-times I feel rather left out in my social circles when people start talking about government school and stuff that I was never a part of. When this situation happened, I would walk away and join another conversation. There's almost always a group of people that I can join, and in this way, I won't feel too left out.

I don't know any other way

After all the plus points about why I "enjoy" bigger groups, the truth is that, big groups are the only way I know how to go. For all my life, my social gatherings have always been about the quantity. From youth groups to college groups, most of my conversing life has been in big groups. It was only recently that I starting attending smaller scaled gatherings. Before this, I wasn't the one to be invited to these "exclusive" functions, but being able to join smaller groups has made me realize how much I'm actually missing. I'm slowly learning how to communicate in a smaller circle.

So to conclude, it's not that I love crowds and prefer them over smaller groups, it's just that I've not had the proper opportunity to mix at a smaller scale. I do not enjoy big groups over small groups, but I guess I need to brush up on my one-to-one if I am to communicate more effectively in smaller groups.