BLACK&WHITE

For every action there's an EQUAL and OPPOSITE reaction 

- Newton's third law of motion.  

It feels like every little step I take somewhere in this direction, I end up walking nowhere. I don't know what to think anymore.  I once thought that life was plain and simple.  If there's something, there'll be something, if there's nothing, then that's it. BLACK&WHITE.  Simple yet complicated in itself.  There can be only two outcomes. Yet in life, we are given the mysterious shade of gray.  And this is where choices come in.  Every choice I make will eventually lead to an outcome (even an indecision is a decision).  Every word I speak, every move I make, every thing I do will all lead to something.

This scares scared people like me.  People like me are afraid to take risks. We thrive on predictability, on obvious consequences, when things are thrown and messed up, we suffer the most. With the ever increases shades of gray, there comes more possible and unpredictable outcomes. Every time a coin is tossed, every time a die is rolled, it means something will follow.

Now I've reached the point in which I'm unsure. The amount of gray in my life is astounding and I feel like I can explode in all shads of color any moment. I'm unsure of anything anymore - my life, my walk, my family, my friends, my abilities, my memories, my relationships, my knowledge, my skills, my emotions, my thoughts...anything.  With the ever-increasing shades of gray, comes the ever-increasing shades of doubt. With the ever-increasing shades if doubt, comes the ever-increasing shades of fear.  Fear that what I'm doing is actually not what I'm meant to do. The more I doubt, the more I question my decisions.

This is just an outpouring of whatever that is cooking my mind now. I wish that my world can go back to just being BLACK & WHITE, but I know that's impossible. I have to learn to cope. learn to let go of things I cannot hang on to or are holding me back., and reach out to things that will help me move on and also to new experiences *shudders* yes, NEW EXPERIENCES. No more hiding behind security, it's time to take a leap of faith and maybe when I do, I'll find myself doubting and questioning less then I initially did.