Oh eyes, how often have ye failed.

"...And I will swallow my pride...and I'm saying goodbye..."

- A Great Big World

It has been awhile. It has been awhile since I've felt like I was in control of myself. Sometimes, you get caught up in the comings and goings that you forget that you are suppose to be an agent - a catalyst - instead you realized that all you've been doing was following the predetermined motions set in place by society. You find you need to remind yourself to smile when you're talking to people (hide away your cluttered brain full of doubts and criticism) and just attempt to survive with a decent conversations. You find you need to remind yourself to be excited about certain activities (even though it seems that you aren't even important in those activities) that this event is not about you. You find you need to constantly keep track of what you're doing as you're constantly shifting between consciousness and unconsciousness. You find yourself waking up (as if from a dream) in the middle of a road, in the end of a lecture, and even in the midst of friends. You find yourself drifting off. You're losing that connection. You're losing that essence of humanity known as empathy. Your critical brain is screaming hypocrite but you know better than to say it out loud. Instead, you hide with an awkward laugh, and a polite smile.

Oh eyes, how often have ye failed? Oh mind, how often have ye been deceived? 

As often as I would like to think that I'm analytic and conscious with my decisions, I know I often am not. As often as I would like to think that I'm smart, I know I often am not. As often as I would like to think that every decision I make has been thought through with much deliberation and the consequent action that was made is the best and most logical option, I know it often is not. Time and time again I'm deceived by the eyes. The eyes see and the eyes want. It is only natural to want things, but it often is not ever wise.

You were the first to deceive my eyes and ever since then, you've continued to do so. Though my mind knows the truth that cognition will never allow such a pairing, the eyes continue to hope. Like a yo-yo, the thought of giving up has come and gone for more often then they should. I keep turning on myself.

It has reached the point that it has to come to an end. No more compromises. The decision for that possible future has been closed for the undetermined future. It has gone on too far. Bouncing probabilities and playing myself to near drainage. It's time to let go and open up other doors. Can't keep hoping on a bad bet. Can't keep holding on to narrow chances.

Oh eyes, how often have ye failed, but I have not lost my trust in thee.

Never realized how important cognitive compatibility was until this lesson. Never realized that people with so much potential can choose to play it down and accept stagnation. Never realized that qualities that I can't bear to see, are so abundant around me.