An Annual Act

So the other day I called you.  The last time we talked was exactly a year past from that phone call.  And now here is the predicament I am in...

Was the request genuine...

...or a socially polite response?

I don't know if you still read this blog, but if you do, please understand that I am thinking of the request. I just need to find the right time to fulfill it. 

I can smell freedom in my nostrils

So by 10am tomorrow morning, I can finally put second year behind me.  Two years of studying psychology so far has definitely been the most challenging and enlightening journey of my life to date. Of course I expected struggles with the smiles, but nothing could have prepared me for it (Well, actually asking seniors would have helped, but the past is the past anyways).

So 2012 has been one super roller-coaster ride with the ramps and loop-de-loops.  I've had my highest emotional high and went to my lowest of lows all in a span of three months.  It's been great it's been bad, but overall it's been eventful.  A recap of 2nd Year would not be complete without highlights and pictures.

January
The weight of anticipation was heavy in the air as we registered for our subjects that begin with the big number TWO, and the struggle between 4 or 5 subjects literally sent many of us going bonkers. The greatest let down of this month was having to search for assignments groups from one end of the world to another, but everything's alright now.

February
Assignments kicked into speed and the usual routine began. But time was made for one of the biggest nights of my life so far - my first date.

I should say once again that I was truly happy that you agreed to it, and I cherish our friendship :)

March

Being the month of my birth, it was supposed to be an amazing month, but... emotional me took a turn for the worse. Some how I found myself down almost all the time, it was like my happy clock just couldn't work when I wanted it to. I've been that guy who would cheer people up, but it was weird being the one needing the cheering up.

March wasn't that bad in hindsight. Celebrated tons of birthdays...

And even had my first ever mini in-class celebration

Getting Bronze for the 2nd year running was a let down, but being Captain of a Table Tennis Team  was indeed an honor.

April

April began with a bang. Assignments were in the midst of being completed and then there was Colloquium 1.0. Our first time participating in a research colloquium and we won! 

A birthday celebration...

 and then it was finals. The first semester was over and the celebrations began.

First after the last paper... 

...then we packed our bags and headed for Pangkor! It was fun being on my first ever nonfamily holiday.  Definitely had a great time there doing all sorts of nonsensical things.  It's said that great company is hard to come by, and I am glad that I've manged to find it.

May

Straight after that was another birthday

(Birthday girl isn't here but...it's the thought that counts?)

Then a party in which limited photographs were taken and so nothing to be shown. After that the semester began again and the schedule was tighter.  Results were alarming and "hardworkingness" set in. Priorities were set.  Thankfully and gratefully, assignment groupings were a thing of the past.  

June

A birthday celebration in which I would only attend 30 minutes off was followed by a concert to support a friend.  A celebration of my old facilitator was really a good day.

Went out randomly with different people and had a blast, but not much that was ecstatic and hair-raising. Just the calm before the storm.

July

A big scale surprise birthday party and a friend's farewell followed close to each other. The semester drew to a close and the longest holiday ever commenced. 

August

It was truly devastating not being able to meet the usually people every week and it seemed that everyone was too busy with internships to even try.  But near the end of the month, things started getting more exciting.  It started first with the First Regional Student Convention in Malaysia, and quickly followed by the second nonfamily holiday - this time with the 93'rs in Penang

Although we don't always see eye-to-eye, we somehow manage to make it work out fine.  

August soon ended and gave way to the month of farewells.

September

September began along with the final semester of our 2nd year! Everything happened faster than it could be imagined. With no change of meeting up during the holidays, it was only right that we had a meetup before the assignments started to pile in.

And soon the farewell dinners began with a bunch of the 93's flying away

Went for a concert inbetween and managed to meet up with an amazing talent

and then it was the airport trips full of farewells.

Missed one trip to the airport due to transportation issues.

October

With the year drawing to a close, many things happened almost all in eruptions. 

Formed a band with our first performance ever in front of almost a thousand people

Destination: Uptown

Took us forever to agree on a name.

November

October was quick to say its farewell and we then sped into November. With plenty of highlights.

First highlight is the first of many firsts (First time being an official photographer at a big event, first time having a press pass, and first time in a club - no I did not club)

Project: Liber8 @ Zouk KL

After all the nonfamily holidays, it was time for some family time @ Damai Laut

A PR 'class' trip to Antipodean soon after and then it was anticipation for Colloquium 2.0!

December

We didn't win this time, but it was a nice day nonetheless.

And then it happened, the biggest event for us Psycho people - Annual Ball '12!

A few hundred pictures after and we were done having a good night.  

And now back to where I started. It's the end of second year pretty much soon. Things are going to change and even though there's still some more days left in December, tomorrow ends the academic year for me.  It has been a challenging year, but you can't spell growth without challenge (Yes, I know you can, but you get the point). As I enter into 3rd year, what challenges do I face? What new stressors? Will there be people still with and beside me or will I be abandoned?  All these questions will be answered next year I guess.

Here's to a fantastic 2nd year, and here's to a good 3rd year!

*pushes publish and rushes back to study*

  

BLACK&WHITE

For every action there's an EQUAL and OPPOSITE reaction 

- Newton's third law of motion.  

It feels like every little step I take somewhere in this direction, I end up walking nowhere. I don't know what to think anymore.  I once thought that life was plain and simple.  If there's something, there'll be something, if there's nothing, then that's it. BLACK&WHITE.  Simple yet complicated in itself.  There can be only two outcomes. Yet in life, we are given the mysterious shade of gray.  And this is where choices come in.  Every choice I make will eventually lead to an outcome (even an indecision is a decision).  Every word I speak, every move I make, every thing I do will all lead to something.

This scares scared people like me.  People like me are afraid to take risks. We thrive on predictability, on obvious consequences, when things are thrown and messed up, we suffer the most. With the ever increases shades of gray, there comes more possible and unpredictable outcomes. Every time a coin is tossed, every time a die is rolled, it means something will follow.

Now I've reached the point in which I'm unsure. The amount of gray in my life is astounding and I feel like I can explode in all shads of color any moment. I'm unsure of anything anymore - my life, my walk, my family, my friends, my abilities, my memories, my relationships, my knowledge, my skills, my emotions, my thoughts...anything.  With the ever-increasing shades of gray, comes the ever-increasing shades of doubt. With the ever-increasing shades if doubt, comes the ever-increasing shades of fear.  Fear that what I'm doing is actually not what I'm meant to do. The more I doubt, the more I question my decisions.

This is just an outpouring of whatever that is cooking my mind now. I wish that my world can go back to just being BLACK & WHITE, but I know that's impossible. I have to learn to cope. learn to let go of things I cannot hang on to or are holding me back., and reach out to things that will help me move on and also to new experiences *shudders* yes, NEW EXPERIENCES. No more hiding behind security, it's time to take a leap of faith and maybe when I do, I'll find myself doubting and questioning less then I initially did.