1. Nothing seems to be working the way I plan it.
2. You can spend countless effort investing into people, but they disappear when its time to withdraw.
3. Assignments are becoming a pain.
4. Lack of planning seems to be catching up with me.
5. Don't grant favors asking that they be returned; in honesty, they rarely do get returned.
6. Discipline and determination is in the lacking.
7. A green dress.
8. Brain seems to be scattered all around.
9. It's in times of testing like these that you really find out who you can trust.
10. Should really start scheduling the day properly.
11. Harlem Shake.
12. I'm done chasing wild ones, getting to old for that.
13. Table tennis level is dropping.
14. Treatment phase is failing.
15. Need to lose fat.
16. Vivid dreams.
17. It's time to settle down.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
Maturity, Care, and Risks
I'm frustrated with life at this point in time. Frustrated that what I try to do never seems to be the right thing to do. I'm frustrated with the fact that life is one complicated piece of paper written with ink that can never be fully erased.
What if I make a mistake? What if I accidentally write the wrong words? What if the ink leaks? What if I wet that paper by accident? There's no part I can "conteng" on because that's life, you only get one take at it and everything that you do leads to a consequence and leaves a mark on your page.
What makes life more complicated is that life's page is not a foolscap piece but more like a blank piece - you don't have guidelines. You have no idea where to start. You want to make a masterpiece with this page you've been given but starting is the hardest part.
Leaps of faith are easy to say. The safer than sorry method seems the more common choice. Now I'm at this part of life in which I have to make a decision. The longer I wait, the more my options lessen.
You can say that I'm a little emotional but you don't know the story, a rare few know the truth. The truth about the three. But let me speak about number one first.
It's easy for me to talk about number one because I feel like the door has already closed. I waited too long, and I asked for it. Number one was the wise one. She was the one that I met when I was still immature and naive. I knew nothing about life while she had a first hand experience. She was the first to tell me of her problems and I fell. She confided in me of the broken heart and I caught the wrong cue. I rushed. You rash little kid. Young and naive. And just like that I lost my one shot. If there's one thing that you've taught me is that I have to be mature. Every year I would call, but that would be it. We've yet to meet in three years, but I do hope we can at least catch up :)
Now to move on to number two. What can I say about you? Except you were all that I was hoping to find. The first person to strike me the week I started uni. Imagine my depression when I found out you were taken. But I was fine. Somehow I knew that there would be nothing between us and I'm glad I didn't try anything because now I've found a good friend in you. While there will always be that "what-if" thoughts in my head, I know that it's better to be friends. I'll always care about you even if you don't care about yourself. We know that girls and guys can be good friends right? What lesson have I learnt from you? Well, let's see, you have taught me to be caring. And as we soon move on after Uni, I just hope that friendships wouldn't die.
Finally to number three. I would say that you were the person I was most open with. You were the person that most of my friends knew about. The Valentine. From a simple thing like a camp to a friendship that developed first through little FB comments to sms everyday. If you've taught me anything, it's to be daring. You've taught me to take risks to go out there and put myself on the line because life is short and not worth waiting. You've made me from a man of planning to be a man of action. And though now it sometimes feels a little weird, I still cherish our friendship. Now it seems harder and harder to catch you, and the distance seems to be growing, but if there's something I'm sure of, no matter what happens, you've given me a great lesson in life - one amazing adventure.
So why is this post entitled frustrations? Because of the fact that I'm confused. I'm confused because everything seems to be leading to a dead end, and it seems like I might have to start all over. I'm not getting any younger and the longer I wait the more "inexperienced" I become. What happens when all are taken and I'm left alone? It seems a little sad to think that, but I guess the sadder but wiser hypothesis holds true here.
Only time will tell I guess.
It's getting harder and harder to talk to you because I keep on feeling like you don't like talking to me. It may be my overthinking acting up, I know, but I just can't help thinking that I've been forgotten.
What if I make a mistake? What if I accidentally write the wrong words? What if the ink leaks? What if I wet that paper by accident? There's no part I can "conteng" on because that's life, you only get one take at it and everything that you do leads to a consequence and leaves a mark on your page.
What makes life more complicated is that life's page is not a foolscap piece but more like a blank piece - you don't have guidelines. You have no idea where to start. You want to make a masterpiece with this page you've been given but starting is the hardest part.
Leaps of faith are easy to say. The safer than sorry method seems the more common choice. Now I'm at this part of life in which I have to make a decision. The longer I wait, the more my options lessen.
You can say that I'm a little emotional but you don't know the story, a rare few know the truth. The truth about the three. But let me speak about number one first.
It's easy for me to talk about number one because I feel like the door has already closed. I waited too long, and I asked for it. Number one was the wise one. She was the one that I met when I was still immature and naive. I knew nothing about life while she had a first hand experience. She was the first to tell me of her problems and I fell. She confided in me of the broken heart and I caught the wrong cue. I rushed. You rash little kid. Young and naive. And just like that I lost my one shot. If there's one thing that you've taught me is that I have to be mature. Every year I would call, but that would be it. We've yet to meet in three years, but I do hope we can at least catch up :)
Now to move on to number two. What can I say about you? Except you were all that I was hoping to find. The first person to strike me the week I started uni. Imagine my depression when I found out you were taken. But I was fine. Somehow I knew that there would be nothing between us and I'm glad I didn't try anything because now I've found a good friend in you. While there will always be that "what-if" thoughts in my head, I know that it's better to be friends. I'll always care about you even if you don't care about yourself. We know that girls and guys can be good friends right? What lesson have I learnt from you? Well, let's see, you have taught me to be caring. And as we soon move on after Uni, I just hope that friendships wouldn't die.
Finally to number three. I would say that you were the person I was most open with. You were the person that most of my friends knew about. The Valentine. From a simple thing like a camp to a friendship that developed first through little FB comments to sms everyday. If you've taught me anything, it's to be daring. You've taught me to take risks to go out there and put myself on the line because life is short and not worth waiting. You've made me from a man of planning to be a man of action. And though now it sometimes feels a little weird, I still cherish our friendship. Now it seems harder and harder to catch you, and the distance seems to be growing, but if there's something I'm sure of, no matter what happens, you've given me a great lesson in life - one amazing adventure.
So why is this post entitled frustrations? Because of the fact that I'm confused. I'm confused because everything seems to be leading to a dead end, and it seems like I might have to start all over. I'm not getting any younger and the longer I wait the more "inexperienced" I become. What happens when all are taken and I'm left alone? It seems a little sad to think that, but I guess the sadder but wiser hypothesis holds true here.
Only time will tell I guess.
It's getting harder and harder to talk to you because I keep on feeling like you don't like talking to me. It may be my overthinking acting up, I know, but I just can't help thinking that I've been forgotten.
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